I’ve been back in Singapore for almost two and a half years. Time flies, I remember dreading my graduation because it meant that I would be back in this shit hole.. Away from the things I loved and enjoyed doing.
I graduated after spending four years in Australia, got back to Singapore and landed a job almost immediately. So it was wham wham wham – no time to process, no time to feel.
I used to cry a lot at night when I first got back.. I felt like I was gonna crumble and die in the crowd and heat. It was a snowball of factors that made me feel breathless.. The stress I experienced on a daily basis was a silent killer.
It’s quite amazing how I’ve managed to block out certain events and memories with time. It’s not easy but it’s a conscious effort. My memory used to be superb (to the point of being scary) but now, it doesn’t remember much beyond a year.
Today, I am going to reminisce (force myself to remember) about the times I had in Brisbane because you cannot avoid memories. They will only haunt you further.
I miss (you will realise it’s a lot on food):
- Being lonely at times (how odd..)
- Betty. My crap but reliable 1990 white Honda Civic hatchback which eventually got smashed by some drunk while parked
- Bringing every damn tourist to Mt Coot-tha
- Buying credit for my shit but stable phone
- Checking the mail every couple of days, hoping to find something interesting – a letter from home, a good deal from Coles and dockets for Dominos at a cheaper price
- Chopping up lots of stuff (onions, garlics, fishcakes, cabbage, carrots etc.) in very neat bits to fry up a mean fried beehoon
- Coffee sessions at La Dolce Vita aka Little Italy at Milton, Three Monkeys at West End and Freestyle at Emporium
- Crispy chicken from Toowong. I don’t even know what the shop was called.. We just called it “crispy chicken” and I would pay 50c-$1 more for extra chilli
- Driving down an hour to the coast just to get to a beach
- Going at 140km/hr in a rattling car on the motorway
- Going for night classes and meeting friends from all over the world
- Having indo mee when during exam periods
- Having late night maccas at Milton. In my jammies
- Hunting for breakfast joints
- Korean food from Madtongsan
- Late night Thursdays in the suburbs and Fridays in the city
- Lena buzzing my bell LIKE HELL daily to wake me up in time for Oprah and Dr Phil at 12pm
- Lying by the hill at Mt Tambourine, overlooking the vast valley of trees and shrubs
- My 20th – 23rd birthday celebrations
- My family. My cousins and aunts
- My friends. A LOT.
- Roast meat at Chinatown, together with the power-mama chilli and ginger
- Shopping at Harbourtown
- Stocking up on Red Bull and V during exams.. Huddling in my study chair with a blankie and a heater under the table
- Studying. I was quite the mugger and note-churning machine
- Super yummy authentic Taiwanese bubble tea (this was before we had Koi and Gong Cha in Singapore)
- That huge slab of salmon sushi (I don’t even know how to explain this sushi to you.. Just know that it’s super yummy) and Hamachi head from Yamasakura at Surfers Paradise
- The citycat along the beautiful Brisbane River
- The Saturday markets at West End. Langos… OMGGG it’s fucking yum
- The WEATHER. The cool crisp air!
- Trying to wake up for church every Saturday
- Waiting forever for the 412 to get to the city
- Walking every aisle of the supermarket
- Waxing for an exorbitant amount of money.. anything beauty-related in Australia’s super expensive
Ok I’m gonna stop because I’m getting too hungry and slightly emo.
Did the usual Saturday affair with the best friend; this time at Hoshigaoka. Nat had some sushi while I had a beef bowl, and then to end it off, we shared their apple pie with matcha ice cream. Not too bad, not very expensive, but I guess you get what you pay for. Instead of coffee today, we went shopping! I got two items from Bysi, here’s one of them. I’m not a cam whore, but I normally take photos like these (see below) when I wanna ask J for his opinion.
Oh btw, after a loooong time of having un-dyed hair, I finally dyed it. Used to have different colours all the time when I was in uni and then when I got back to Singapore, I had a huge lashing from my hairdresser. And I guess it got me, cause I didn’t dye my hair ever since?! But now, after what seems like eternity (more than a year I reckon), I don’t really care. And truth be told, I do miss the days when I used to dye/highlight my friends hair. It was really therapeutic, haha!
And here’s the trusty ol’ mug I was talking about in an earlier entry
The weekends always past so fast. Quoting Heineken’s very successful T.G.I.M campaign, ‘If I become president, I will abolish Mondays’. Oh yes, you bet I will.
P.S. ♥ HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY! ♥ I love love love love lurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrve youu! Many cuddles and kisses.
When every door closes, it’s time to do something crazy! Like blogging ‘again’! It’s been a whirlwind of events since I returned to Singapore from Brisbane; doing up my room, going for job interviews, securing my first job only to quit it six months later, making new friends, catching up with old friends, exploring new food places, learning to live with family again etc. Truth be told, I’m still a little ‘homesick’ but hey, when life gives you lemons, grab a bottle of tequila and salt, a few shot glasses and have a party!With that, welcome to my world, I hope you’ll enjoy your stay.
Just last night I was sharing with J on how much I miss QLD. I miss the place, but I miss the memories more. The memories of my friends, from all over the world. I miss the quietness, the sandy beaches, the vast beauty etc.
Was going through photos and to say that I miss my friends would be an understatement. I cannot find Australia in Singapore. What an absurd exclamation you might say, for both are like apple and orange. But I’ve been trying to find a bit of my ‘past’ in my present and it’s hard. I’ll keep moving forward, I’ll keep shedding those tears till I feel no more. I believe that with the support I’m currently getting from my friends, I will craft out a life of my own.
For now, I have work, family and a growing youth group to keep me busy. God brought me back for a purpose, and I will keep trusting. I cannot see Him, but I know that He has plans. So no matter how hard it is, I will keep moving forward..
Bad memories, or those that you’d rather try to forget so as to move on, I strongly believe, involves physically moving away from where ‘it’ happened.
I miss Brisbane but in the midst of all the happy memories I’ve had, there are also memories I’d like to keep in my little mental box, not for the purpose of hoping they’ll get forgetten, but just to keep them aside, because I need to move on.
Why do mothers who give up their child for adoption hope to never see them again? It’s not because there is no love involved, but because she knows she can’t offer what the child truly deserves.
So sometimes, steps are taken and there’s no turning back. Because, I can safely say that reminiscing will not bring back anything from the past and all the what if’s will only serve to drag you back when the whole world is moving forward.
P.S. This morning while on the train, I was thinking, ‘I can’t believe I’m back for good!’. Well, life goes on. I know where I want to be a few years from now, and I’ll work hard for it..
Today was an emo day for me. Had no mood to do anything, found it hard to smile, to talk to anyone, to do anything. It was as if I could just cry if slightly provoked. Guess it’s because the days are nearing. I’m starting work soon and J’s going back to Bris. Sometimes, I don’t know how I’m going to get through the next few months. I’ll just have to do it, but I wonder how I’ll arrive at my end point. Adeline’s leaving for Brisbane tmr and I hope I don’t cry at the airport. Pls just let this be PMS. Thanks J, for taking me out for a drive and showering me with love xx
I guess because most of family isn’t in Singapore, I’ve never understood or been able to bask in the hype of CNY. Spent the 1st day boring myself to death, the 2nd visiting a few of Dad’s friends, and the 3rd (today) watering plants for Mom’s friend. While looking through facebook, I realise a lot of people are heading back to Brisbane soon, and I can’t help but feel a sense of overwhelming sadness and jealousy. I dreamt of down under last night. Every morning when I wake up, I don’t know why, but I always have a picture of Coronation Drive in my mind. Maybe because it’s the main strip that gets us to places. I can still clearly remember the sidewalks, the little roads that take us to Baskin Robbins, Maccas, La Dolce Vita etc., the highways that bring us up and down both Coasts and the skyline of the city when dusk falls.
You can say that I have to learn to get over it. You can cringe at how whiny I get over the next few posts, but no one understands how this feels. It’s like death, but worse. It’s like being torn away from someone you love, knowing that he is still breathing somewhere out in this vast and crazy world, but that you’ll never be able to see him again. And even if you do, it’ll only be glimpses. You’ll never be able to live and breathe him, like before.
Coming back to Singapore has been a blur to date. I’d like to think that everything’s still kinda nicely marshmallowed as J’s still around. However, I cannot imagine how life would be once he returns down under. He’s been my pillar, strength and comfort in trying times - my best friend. I keep telling myself that the impact of Singapore’s crowd, heat, surplus of cars and foreign workers will slowly dissipate and things will return to ‘normal’. I’m Singaporean at the end of the day, aren’t I?
The tears came freely last night. I know it’s all about adjusting, getting used to; but somethings for me, I just don’t know how to handle. I don’t think certain emotions/events that happened in the past can just be shoved into some part of my brain, only to be left there, in hopes that they will eventually fade away with time. If not for family and friends, it’ll be like coming back to an empty and deep hole. I cannot identify with where I currently am, I do not feel like I’m home.
Maybe it’s true that with time, things will get better. In fact, I myself believe that to be true. Maybe it’s just a passing phase for now, then again I highly doubt it. I daydream about the beaches, the sound of the crashing waves, the feel of the soft sand between my toes, the smell of wet eucalyptus trees, the pricing boards at the supermarkets, the overly priced bubble tea, the dry weather, the motorways that never seem to end (etc etc etc.) and most of all, I miss the memories that I made during the 4 years there. The best 4 years of my life. Ever.
Went to Orchard Road today and it was really crowded, I could barely breathe..
Burn the bridge and don’t look back
Been really quiet due to all the packingmovingcleaning, packingmovingcleaning and packingmovingcleaning. Well, at least most of the packing and moving to J’s place has been done and I’ll be spending the night over at his. It’s really quite sad that I’ll be returning the keys tmr/day after! More updates soon I promise ;)
And so, I’ve graduated! :)
And so, after all the lack of updates, I’m back in Brisbane :) What a whirlwind of events in a short span of three weeks. Went to the states and went through surgery.. Well doesn’t sound like a lot but it sure is/was. US was hectic, and after my surgery which was scheduled day after I reached Singapore from the states, I was pretty much immobile. I was and am still suffering from all the side effects of the surgery and from jet lag. I can’t help but feel sleepy in the afternoons and in the evening. Well, all the negatives aside, it sure is good to be back in my room, which I secretly call home :) Till the next post, be good!
P.S. Leg is doing better, just that bathing can be quite a pain in the arse!
Yay! Exams are over! Had a blast with my friends over dinner and drinks. Can’t wait to see all of you again! More photos on facebook :)